Being in love is the worst feeling in the world. The first couple of weeks may be great, when it's still exciting and when you still have genuine hope that it will all work out. But before long, that hope is bashed in and will quickly turn to disappointment, frustration, sadness, pain, etc.

If that was the end of it, it wouldn't be a big problem. But once you're in love, you'll do anything to maintain a false and unreasonable hope for yourself, which you cling onto with all your might, because the alternative is even worse. This causes you to think, talk and act in an increasingly irrational way. When I look back, I know I've done some incredibly stupid things in the past, all in the name of love. Things that I would normally never do.

And besides, even when you're doing all those stupid things, you still know deep in your heart that you're waging a losing war. And yet you can't stop doing them, because the alternative hurts even more.

Being in love sucks. That's why I hope I'll never ever fall in love again.

Or at least, that's what I've been telling myself for months, and there are times when I almost started to believe what I said. But who am I kidding? Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I still believe that being in love is the greatest feeling in the world, even though I haven't found the ability yet to actually do something about it. Sure, it brings with it a lot of pain and sadness, but the alternative is even worse.

And I know I'll keep on doing all those stupid things even if I know deep in my heart that I'm waging a losing war. Because the potential rewards of winning just one battle outweigh all the pain and sadness by so much more (or so I would imagine, since I never actually experienced any of those rewards before).

Being in love definitely sucks. But I hope that I will always be in love with someone special.

P.S.
If I fall in love with a married woman and who has two kids, does that make me a bad person?

What if a (small) part of me is actually hopeful and happy when she decided to leave her husband. Does that make me a bad person?

And what if that same part of me is insanely jealous when she decided to give her marriage another try? Do I qualify then?

I really want to believe that being in love, even the inappropriate kind, is never bad. But I'm just not sure.