Self Management II – Renewed Hope

Just finished the second part of the training 'Self Management'. It was very emotional, but something important definitely happened. What was it? Where will it lead to? I'm not sure what the answers are, but I went over an mental cliff today. Who knows, if I look back someday, maybe I will see this moment as a turning point.

I definitely feel different now than I felt yesterday. More at peace with myself somehow. I'm not saying that I solved my internal puzzle, there are still too many unresolved issues. But for the first time in a long while I can feel something within myself again: Hope. I think this hope has been within me this whole time, has never died completely, but that it has been buried beneath all my negativity. It's such a liberating feeling right now. Without that hope, I was starting to feel numb inside, but now I am actually aware of my emotions again. Not all of it is good. Most of it is still fear, sadness and insecurity. But I can feel again! It may hurt a lot, but I realize now that being able to feel that pain is infinitely better than feeling nothing at all.

There is of course still a long, long way to go. Will this feeling last or will it die down again after a couple of weeks? I don't know what the future will bring, but right now I have hope! And that in itself is progress.

P.S. At the end of the training, we each had to randomly pick a quote card by Deepak Chopra. Mine is very appropriate I believe (I'm translating it from Dutch):

My intentions are a source of inspiration – If my intentions are positive, then I am inspired (in contact with the soul) and enthusiastic (in contact with the divine intelligence). I am successful.